Wanderlust

Sad

I realize I haven't posted on this blog since March and it is now November. And as far as I'm concerned, I will probably move these posts and start a new blog. This blog was an experiment that lacked direction. The name is wrong, although I still heart that word: wanderlust. My life is less about travel and leisure these days and more complicated (and fun) as a mom. I also realize nobody even reads this blog, but I feel compelled to write an intro anyway. I've had writers block for awhile and wasn't sure if I even wanted to blog. I think I do b/c I truly enjoy writing. And the (very) few times I've received comments it was soooo much fun. Anyway, I digress from the point of this post and the reason I'm back for now. I NEED to write. I am sad. Last week, my friend whom I've known since 8th grade called me. She said she had bad news. One of her best friends had taken her own life the night before. Now I also knew this girl and even though we weren't close and it has probably been five years or so since I've seen her, I was so sad. And shocked. I knew she was having some problems which I won't go into here, but I never expected this. She was so happy before. The all American blond cheerleader in high school. Beautiful and funny. But the worst part, in my mind, is that she was married and had a son. How terrible to leave them this way. Thanksgiving and the holidays will FOREVER be ruined. A sad reminder of her death at her own hands. Anyway, there are many other bits and pieces of sad news that keep drifting my way...a bad car accident, a trial separation, foreclpsures, job insecurities, severed or strained friendships, etc. It's the season for bad news. I always feel like there are times in my life when a lot of bad stuff happens. Either to me or the people around me. There was a time like this almost 7 years ago. And now it's happening again. I know it's inevitable that things will go wrong. But big, yucky, catastrophic things all at once really sucks. And on a completely different but somehow related (in that it makes me sad) note. I miss my husband. I miss sleeping. I LOVE sleeping with my baby girl. I'm still nursing and co-sleeping and I'm 100% happy with my decision. But OMG this girl will never give up nursing on her own. At 20 months she is still going strong. I am sad about pushing her to wean AND I am absolutly NOT going to wean completely. I just want to stop the all night nursing diner. Probably going to do a combo Jay Gordon partial night weaning plan and No Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers. Not going into details now. And as I stated above I really miss my husband. I've come to the conclusion that the ONLY way we'll have any time together is if she is sleeping without needing to nurse all night. Then someone else can babysit her and we can actually go out. Or if she's sleeping we can hang out after she's asleep without me waiting for the dreaded cry that inevitably comes 30-45 minutes later. Doesn't leave much time together. It will be best for our family, my marriage and my sanity. I'm afraid it's going to be TERRIBLE. And I'm afraid it will...actually I know it will lead to total weaning sooner than it would have othewise. And although part of me is SO ready for that. Another big part of me is very sad. And that my friends, brings it all back home again to the sadness. Just a whole big bucket of sadness here even thought I'm incredibly grateful and happy with my life at the moment. This felt good. Writing again. I will start a blog, probably two. One for family and friends with pics, real names, etc. And one anon...not tied together in any way. This way I can write freely on the anon like this cause that's just how I roll. Whew. If anyone has read this. In fact, if anyone had read this far. Wow. You get a small slice of my thought process and what my poor husband has to endure when I get a couple of drinks in me. Ramble city. And with that, my sad self signs off. For good. For now? I don't know. But goodbye.

My first year as a mom

My life has changed so much since I found out I was pregnant. I've been thinking back to all of the things I've learned in my first year as a mom. Although we're not quite at a year yet...it's coming up faster than I  would like.

I feel like we're on the verge of entering into toddler-land and drifting away from babyhood. That makes me a little sad. It seems like every day my baby girl surprises us with how fast she's learning new stuff. She crawls so fast now even though some of it is still on her belly. She clicks her tongue to call the cats. She "meows" back at Claire our oldest cat, although her meow is more like a yell. A really loud yell. She waves goodbye and is generally a happy little munchkin (when she's not upset that I moved three feet away from her--gotta love that separation anxiety).

As I'm starting to plan her birthday party as well as her Dad's I can't help but feel a little reflective. I know that she likes to play with a spoon or finger food before we feed her so she feels like part of the process. She likes to scratch and pinch my skin when she's nursing. Sometimes she'll grab my hand and just twist and twirl her soft little fingers through mine. All these tiny quirks that I love. I will miss the baby that she is but I can't wait to meet the little girl blossoming underneath the surface.

Wordless Wednesday

All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

It's finally happening! After months of off and on teething, one tooth has broken through to the other side. You can barely see it because her guns are swollen and red but you can feel it.

On Friday I stuck my finger in her mouth to let her chew - her favorite teether. I swear that I've bought out the entire section of teethers but this girl STILL prefers my finger above all else. Sigh. Anyhoo...when I stuck my finger in on Friday, I came out with a scratch. An actual scratch made by the tiniest bit of the top of a tooth. Woohoo! She is miserable, of course, but I'm so excited that the two bottom teeth are making their way up and out at Christmas time.

Sesame Street for Adults Only

Awhile back I posted a link to a Sesame Street Video showing a mom breastfeeding her baby. The most natural thing in the world, right? But I said that they probably wouldn't show that same video today. I don't understand why we're going backwards and not forwards on stuff like this. But anyway, my statement could not have been more true.

Everyone my age grew up with Sesame Street and loved it. I was literally just telling my parents that I hoped they would release the original episodes on DVD some day. Well, that day has come. Hooray! But now I find out that they have labeled the DVD's as Adult Only. WTF? They feel that Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch aren't appropriate for kids today. Cookie Monster might promote obesity. Oh. My. God. Seriously? Who made this decision!?

This is ridiculous. Cookie Monster is now an outcast. I LOVED Cookie Monster as a kid and I can say with confidence I am nowhere near obese. Give kids some credit! Jeez.

Here's a link to the article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,2216955,00.html?gusrc=rss&feed=media

Enjoying childhood

I really want my daughter to have fun as a child. It's hard balancing the instinct to protect them at all costs with the wish that she explore the world openly and freely.

As she begins to crawl and walk (almost to both) I can see this will be my next challenge as a parent. It's both exciting and scary but I'm trying to enjoy each phase as it comes.

And now I leave you with the best picture to illustrate that I am letting go and letting her explore...

(I know you want to know so here you go: turkey bacon and an infant syringe-no not a real syringe they don't have needles!)

Reading Between The Lines

One of my favorite pastimes is and has always been reading. I learned to read pretty early, I think I was 4 and I've loved the world of books ever since. A few months after I had my daughter, I realized I really missed reading. But who has time to read with a newborn?

I figured out that the best time for me to read is while I pump breast milk at work. I can squeeze in 10 minutes or so of reading, four times a day (yes,I pump 4 times during my workday). This is a nice relaxing thing for me to do during my hectic day. I'm always reading a couple of things at once so I can switch back and forth as my mood changes. Sometimes it's non-fiction, sometimes it's fiction.

Anyway, I would like to start talking about the books I'm currently reading as well as past books as they relate to topics of my life. Right now, obviously, I'm pretty focused on parenting. Specifically, the topic of sleep or lack thereof.

Right now I'm reading Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep? by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I really like the approach of this book. It's making me feel like I'm not an idiot for the choices we've made regarding sleep and my 7 month old daughter (especially not leaving her to "cry it out"). It's full of great info on things that hamper sleep like over stimulation, which I believe is a big factor for my daughter.

Anyway, check it out if you have a child that needs lots of help to sleep. This may help you understand why, which can help to calm everyone down when it comes to sleep...and therefore, get more sleep.

Trick or Treat!

I was so excited to take Peanut trick-or-treating even though she can't eat any candy quite yet. Well, the day before Halloween she came down with a cold. When I got home that night, I just couldn't squeeze her into that costume and force her to go door to door for my enjoyment.

I was so sad.

But once I saw actual kids in costumes coming out to trick-or-treat, I was soooo excited! This was our first Halloween in an actual house/neighborhood and not an apartment so it was a real thrill for me. I was out there with candy at the ready right at the first hint of darkness. I'm sure my neighbors all thought I was slightly crazy when the first little girl came out of her house across the street and I start shouting, "look, there's one...the first one on the block"! Yeah, I love Halloween.

We ended up just hanging out on our front porch handing out candy, and Peanut was thrilled to see all the kids and costumes. It was our first Halloween as a family and even though she was sick, it was perfect.

Sesame Street Rocks

I was reading The Motherwear Breastfeeding blog and they have recently posted a couple of classic Sesame Street Clips.

The sad thing is, I don't even think they would show this today. I still remember watching Sesame Street as a kid and can sing some of the songs I learned. It seems like all of the kids shows today are all about pushing our kids to learn faster, be smarter or somehow better than average. Why can't we let our kids be kids?

Breastfeeding is natural and normal. Simple messages like this make my heart happy. I wonder if you can buy old Sesame Street episodes on DVD?