Wanderlust

Sad

I realize I haven't posted on this blog since March and it is now November. And as far as I'm concerned, I will probably move these posts and start a new blog. This blog was an experiment that lacked direction. The name is wrong, although I still heart that word: wanderlust. My life is less about travel and leisure these days and more complicated (and fun) as a mom. I also realize nobody even reads this blog, but I feel compelled to write an intro anyway. I've had writers block for awhile and wasn't sure if I even wanted to blog. I think I do b/c I truly enjoy writing. And the (very) few times I've received comments it was soooo much fun. Anyway, I digress from the point of this post and the reason I'm back for now. I NEED to write. I am sad. Last week, my friend whom I've known since 8th grade called me. She said she had bad news. One of her best friends had taken her own life the night before. Now I also knew this girl and even though we weren't close and it has probably been five years or so since I've seen her, I was so sad. And shocked. I knew she was having some problems which I won't go into here, but I never expected this. She was so happy before. The all American blond cheerleader in high school. Beautiful and funny. But the worst part, in my mind, is that she was married and had a son. How terrible to leave them this way. Thanksgiving and the holidays will FOREVER be ruined. A sad reminder of her death at her own hands. Anyway, there are many other bits and pieces of sad news that keep drifting my way...a bad car accident, a trial separation, foreclpsures, job insecurities, severed or strained friendships, etc. It's the season for bad news. I always feel like there are times in my life when a lot of bad stuff happens. Either to me or the people around me. There was a time like this almost 7 years ago. And now it's happening again. I know it's inevitable that things will go wrong. But big, yucky, catastrophic things all at once really sucks. And on a completely different but somehow related (in that it makes me sad) note. I miss my husband. I miss sleeping. I LOVE sleeping with my baby girl. I'm still nursing and co-sleeping and I'm 100% happy with my decision. But OMG this girl will never give up nursing on her own. At 20 months she is still going strong. I am sad about pushing her to wean AND I am absolutly NOT going to wean completely. I just want to stop the all night nursing diner. Probably going to do a combo Jay Gordon partial night weaning plan and No Cry Sleep Solution for toddlers. Not going into details now. And as I stated above I really miss my husband. I've come to the conclusion that the ONLY way we'll have any time together is if she is sleeping without needing to nurse all night. Then someone else can babysit her and we can actually go out. Or if she's sleeping we can hang out after she's asleep without me waiting for the dreaded cry that inevitably comes 30-45 minutes later. Doesn't leave much time together. It will be best for our family, my marriage and my sanity. I'm afraid it's going to be TERRIBLE. And I'm afraid it will...actually I know it will lead to total weaning sooner than it would have othewise. And although part of me is SO ready for that. Another big part of me is very sad. And that my friends, brings it all back home again to the sadness. Just a whole big bucket of sadness here even thought I'm incredibly grateful and happy with my life at the moment. This felt good. Writing again. I will start a blog, probably two. One for family and friends with pics, real names, etc. And one anon...not tied together in any way. This way I can write freely on the anon like this cause that's just how I roll. Whew. If anyone has read this. In fact, if anyone had read this far. Wow. You get a small slice of my thought process and what my poor husband has to endure when I get a couple of drinks in me. Ramble city. And with that, my sad self signs off. For good. For now? I don't know. But goodbye.

Blog on Hiatus

I am just too busy to post lately so the blog is on hiatus for now. I will resume soon. I have much to say!

Yay for BBQ

Monday is my hubbies b-day so we are having people over for a BBQ! This seems to be our MO lately as it's the only way we can both be at a social event (one doesn't have to stay home with the kiddo). And best of all we have friends with babies, Peanut's age coming over too.

So this will be her first big house party as a somewhat cognizant particpant. She was just a tiny baby in a sling before.

I'm baking cupcakes and making my famous tortilla rolls. Yum. Hubby is marinating and grilling the many pounds of various meats he bought. It should be very tasty.

My Peanut's Future

I saw this before Peanut was born and thought it was funny. But now that we're about to go through this...it si hilarious: Family Guy -Stewie Weaning.

Wordless Wednesday

Lack of Sleep Making Me Lose My Mind

This latest phase is so tough. I've read on a few blogs that around the 9 month mark, the sleep goes in the toilet and it's often a low point in the parenting life cycle. I feel all of that and more right now. I'm so exhausted. I hurt.

As much as I love sleeping with my little girl, she is now 10 months old and I'm growing tired of being the human pacifier. I knew this moment would come. I think you almost have to be pushed to your breaking point to really want to make a change. Well, I am there. I really need for something to change soon, but I don't have the energy to even THINK about how I might go about changing the sleeping situation. And from the brilliant Ask Moxie blog, this would be the worst time to go about it anyway.

I just need to make it through this hellish phase of non-sleep. It's been going on for weeks -6 weeks, to be precise. I hope it will end soon. I need a few decent nights sleep under my belt (3-4 hours in a row!) and I'll be able to think clearly again. And then come up with a game plan to phase out the night nursing and co-sleeping.

This girl loves the boob so it's gonna be tough. I am her lovey. How do I change that? That's a question for another day in the hopefully not too distant future, when I've had a few nights of decent rest.

Signed,

A very tired momma

Random Thoughts on the Genetic Lottery

I think my daughter looks like a mixture of me and my husband. Some days, she looks just like him. And other days I see so much of me it brings a trippy perspective on life. She's got my ears (poor thing), my skin, my eyes (only hers are a gorgeous blue). She's got my husband's smile, nose and lots of his facial expressions.

As for hair color, the jury is still out. She is still mostly bald but what little hair she does have seems to be a dark blond. My husband's hair was white blond as a child and is light brown now, but she definitely gets this from him since I'm a dark brunette with reddish highlights.

Anyway, I was thinking about gorgeous parents having gorgeous babies and of course, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt come to mind. Shiloh really hit the genetic lottery jackpot. Now if Halle Berry and her model guy have a boy--and he someday marries Shiloh and they have a baby. OMG -that baby would be the most uber-beautiful baby ever in the history of the world. So beautiful it hurts.

But that's how I feel about my little Peanut sometimes. Her smile just lights up my world. So beautiful it hurts.

My first year as a mom

My life has changed so much since I found out I was pregnant. I've been thinking back to all of the things I've learned in my first year as a mom. Although we're not quite at a year yet...it's coming up faster than I  would like.

I feel like we're on the verge of entering into toddler-land and drifting away from babyhood. That makes me a little sad. It seems like every day my baby girl surprises us with how fast she's learning new stuff. She crawls so fast now even though some of it is still on her belly. She clicks her tongue to call the cats. She "meows" back at Claire our oldest cat, although her meow is more like a yell. A really loud yell. She waves goodbye and is generally a happy little munchkin (when she's not upset that I moved three feet away from her--gotta love that separation anxiety).

As I'm starting to plan her birthday party as well as her Dad's I can't help but feel a little reflective. I know that she likes to play with a spoon or finger food before we feed her so she feels like part of the process. She likes to scratch and pinch my skin when she's nursing. Sometimes she'll grab my hand and just twist and twirl her soft little fingers through mine. All these tiny quirks that I love. I will miss the baby that she is but I can't wait to meet the little girl blossoming underneath the surface.

Goodbye 2007--Hello 2008

Happy New Year everyone!

I know I'm a bit late but I wanted to list the things that were really great about 2007...and the things that really sucked.

Things that rocked in 2007:

1. The birth of my daughter
2. We bought our first house
3. 5 year wedding anniversary
4. Started this blog-realized I really missed writing

Things that sucked in 2007:

1. I have astigmatism and need glasses
2. Those extra 5-10 pounds of baby weight that won't go away
3. Cars in the shop too many times
4. We had to pay way too much in taxes

And now I present the things I'm looking forward to in 2008!

1. My daughter turning one!
2. Finding a sitter so I can have a social life again and actually spend time with my husband
3. Teaching my daughter to sleep on her own-yay more time for me!
4. Drinking on my birthday
5. Electing a new president
6. Traveling with my daughter on a plane (although this one stresses me out a bit)
7. Paying off the majority of our debt
8. Losing that baby weight
9. Pimping out this blog and really committing to it (and gaining some readers!)

I hope 2008 is an awesome year for everyone. 

9 Month Sleep Regression is NO JOKE

My girl wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the tiiimmmee. That song kept running through my mind and of course, Dancing on the Ceiling. I'm probably dating myself here, although I was very young when those songs came out, but my my...we are smack dab in the middle of the 9 month sleep regression. Hard core.

But first let me back up, yesterday Peanut actually pulled up to standing all by herself! She is a little bit behind on this developmental stage but I'm not worried about it, She is working hard. And I recently came to the conclusion that she's just too vertically challenged (read: short like her mom) to reach most things to even try and pull up. But yesterday as I as packing up the Christmas decorations, she crawled over--still mostly on her belly but she's working on lifting it off the floor--to the plastic storage bins. These happen to be just the right height for her to reach the top from a sitting position. She then pulled herself up ALL.BY. HERSELF! No help from me. I was sooo proud. And so was she. She gets this smug look on her face when she accomplishes something and it's the cutest thing ever. Really.

So we called Daddy and told him all about it. He said she'd been working on that all day but hadn't quite been able to do it. It's very cool that I was there for a "first". Anyway, once he told me she'd been working on it all day I knew we were in for rough sleep. She has been sick for the past week with fever and tummy troubles so we've already been getting crappy sleep. Top that off with the second tooth that's STILL trying to break on through to the other side...and jeez, we don't sleep right now.

We went through our routine as usual (book, bath, nurse to sleep) and then about 30 minutes after she is peacefully sleeping, her body has other ideas. She is literally crawling all over the bed in her sleep. And sitting up...trying to stand. She did this all night long, much to her frustration and mine as well.

And while I was very frustrated, I have to say it was so funny seeing her sit up, look around all drowsy-like with head bobbing left and right, then roll back down onto her belly or back. Her body was in crawling action mode all night long while she tried --and I tried-- to sleep. The 9 month sleep regression really is no joke. Fool. (courtesy of Mr. T in your pocket)